Some no bullshit reminders.
Shame, Bullshit, You don't know, You decide.
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Today, I feel called to share some reminders that I was reminded of this week.
Some of these came from conversations I had.
Some of these came from interactions I had and observed.
Some of these came from a deep dive I was listening to.
I am sure these are things that you already know, just as I do.
And yet, we as humans need to be reminded because we forget, because life gets full and busy and messy. Because we are fed a bunch of things that look one way, but maybe actually different in reality or on the inside.
We can never really fully know what someone else’s reality is.
We don’t know their trauma, how their health really is, what drama they have been pulled into that is not of their own design, the relationships they are navigating, the grief they are living in, and so much more.
So please make compassion your default. Compassion for them and for you. And drop comparison, because it is impossible to compare when we really will never know it all and each of our journey’s is our own. Even if you were able to copy and paste someone’s life onto yours it would not go, flow or feel the same way as it does for them.There is a lot of bullshit out there.
There is a lot of illusion. There is a lot that is not said. There is a lot of stretched truth. There is a lot of tit for tat without real depth and connection. There are a ton of “successful” people that lied, stole, and finessed their way there.
But, you don’t need to waste your time being angry or annoyed with them, it will likely all fall apart at some point. And of course they have to live with their own lies which means they likely aren’t able to really enjoy their “successes” anyways.Shame is a natural occurring emotion AND it’s bullshit.
It is natural to feel regret, to be embarrassed about past behavior (whether it was from 5 minutes ago or 15 years ago), to feel shame about something that happened to you or a way that you behaved. AND you don’t have to buy into it.
When the feelings come up, let them AND then QUESTION them. See that what happened, happened and show that version of you compassion. Remind yourself that we as humans live and learn. That things happen that absolutely suck that aren’t our fault. There is so much I can and have said about shame in both my book, F THE SHOULDS and THE SHAKE UP.
So, for right now, I will repeat it again. When the feelings come up, it’s okay. You are okay. But you don’t have to stay there. Question the feelings, question the thoughts. Ask if the shame really belongs to you or is some BS the world imprinted on you for you things and you SHOULD be, act, have done it, etc.YOU get to DECIDE.
You get to decide and you get to change your mind. On all of it. You get to decide what you believe in. And you can change your mind or take a different approach to the same belief/idea/principle when applying it to different people/situations.
Perhaps you decide you are not putting energy into one relationship because you feel like it is not reciprocated but another one you continue to being committed to. Most things and people and relationships are not static. They aren’t black and white. You get to decide. You can hear other people’s feedback and opinions and choose your own destination.
Let yourself decide. And don’t beat yourself up if that decision ends up not being what works out. You get to make another decision. You are living and learning and experimenting. There is no absolute RIGHT.
XO, TH
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